Monday, January 9, 2017

Hotline Heresy - A Grey Knights Army



Fade from black to skyline shot of hive city at night.  Storm rages behind neon urban sprawl.  A thunder clap followed by purple lightning striking a tower. Camera pans down to street level.  Group of Grey Knights led by our hero KALDOR DRAIGO walks down main drag.  Loud sound of marching ceramite boots builds. Halts. Panning shot of Terminators.  Acid rains peppers their armor, streaking in neon pink bolts before fading.  A lighting flash illuminates.

DRAIGO close up. Takes a drag from his Thurible 3000 Imperial Vaporizer. Exhales.  Green smoke spells out "RAD."

DRAIGO:  I love the smell of heresy in the morning... Librarian Kevin!  What's the corruption reading for the area?

LIBRARIAN KEVIN approaches followed by a puttering ALPHIE model servitor.  KEVIN rips off a sheet of parchment it spits out and reads the report from HQ.

KEVIN: Acey says ten percent.

DRAIGO sighs, after a pause: I'm too old for this $%!^ What do you make of this?

KEVIN holds the paper up and begins to fold.

KEVIN: Well, I can make a hat (folds) a broach (holds up) a pterodactyl...

A crash is heard from a nearby building. The Knights turn.  Shot of ruined hospital.  Sign falls over, revealing a previously hidden door.  Two Guardsmen in shades and chomping gum fumble out.  One talking into a comm set with a cut cable.  The other, a chubby and despondent looking man follows behind but ignores the other. 

WOODS into comm set, walking carelessly: First of all, bub, you never let on how much you like Xenos. "Oh, Tau, hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kill me, and you'll regret it." Now three, wherever ya are, that's the place to...

SAM's jaw drops, tugs IG WOODS's sleeve, points at the Knights. Record scratch, freeze frame.

WOODS: ...Dropping off or picking up?

BROTHER DENNIS steps forward.

DENNIS: Welcome to the party, pal! We're on a mission from the God Emperor.

WOODS grabs SAM and spins around, huddling. Close up of WOODS, sweating profusely and speaking into the comm. 

WOODS: I mean really, I'm not a heretic, I don't plan on being a heretic, so who gives a crap if they're Grey Knights? They could be fascist psykers for all I care, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't have mutations. Not that I don't love fascism, it's the Imperium aft...

DRAIGO steps forward with a loud clank.

DRAIGO: You called?

The scene is interrupted by a loud explosion. Everyone turns to see a large streak of pink fire fly from a nearby building.  A figure tumbles through the air and begins to fall towards the gathered men.


The demon crashes between the Guardsmen and Knights.  They all huddle around the figure, a voluptuous female demon of chaos. It shudders and wheezes.

APOTH JONES: Slaanesh, why'd it have to be Slaanesh??

The Guardsmen hide behind DRAIGO but crane for a closer look. 

SAM: Is this heaven?!?

DRAIGO: No, it's heresy.

He motions towards another Knight.

DRAIGO: Sergeant, if I asked your honest opinion about something, would I get it?

GK: You can bet the house on it.

DRAIGO: Would you say these look like the breasts of a 43 year old woman?

GK: No.  No, they don't Sir.  They're quite impressive, bordering on spectacular. 

WOODS into the comm, wide-eyed over his sunglasses: You know there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this sector. It would be a shame to...

DRAIGO lifting a massive boot:  My name is Kaldor Draigo! You killed my Emperor prepare to die!

DRAIGO smashes the corpse and it pops like a rotten pumpkin, viscera covering the Guardsmen. They squeak in shock.

SAM: She slimed me! 

WOODS: HQ! I'm with Sam! We got slimed!

DRAIGO knocks their heads together, cracking their Ray Bans.

BOTH: Radical...

DRAIGO: I eat purple demons for breakfast.  And right now, I'm very hungry.

A Brother steps forward.

GK: Sir! Incoming!

A Valkyrie swoops in overhead, engines leaving a trail of hot blue light in the darkness. It begins to sit down near the group.

WOODS: Well boys, that's our ride.  Looks like they got the call.

Everyone laughs heartily.

WOODS and SAM begin to run towards the bird.  SAM stops and turns to DRAIGO. He yells over the growing storm.

SAM: Yo! Draigo!  After all we've been through, if you think I'm gonna ride on the Imperium's lousiest turkey alone, you're crazy!

DRAIGO: I'll give you a little secret kid.

SAM: What?

DRAIGO: I'm crazy.

SAM smiles, salutes, and runs off to catch up with WOODS.  Over the thunder and roaring engines, the Knights can hear them talking as they make their way.

WOODS: You know, you can be my wingman any time.

SAM: Bullcrap, I'm YOUR wingman.

WOODS: I wasn't talking to you.

The Grey Knights laugh.  DRAIGO turns to address his men. He takes another drag from his vaporizer.  Smoke spells out "Righteous."

DRAIGO: Well boys, it's that time.

KNIGHTS: What's that sir?

DRAIGO: It's time for killing...

DRAIGO drops the vaporizor, stomps it.  Closeup of face.


Roll intro credits.  Begin theme: FutureCop! Street Hawk